Whose Wife am I?

This post is in dedication to the many women who are married to members of our military.  Our "silent troops", these lovely, amazing women are on my heart, and I'd like to share my thoughts with you.

Being a military wife has to be tough.  This is how I see it:

Military families are common, but not normal. There's a big difference. You might sense his presence in your home and in your marriage, but not really. You might feel like a single mom, but not really.  These things are common, but not normal.  God doesn't want everybody to be in the kind of family unit that military simply calls families to be in.

I've seen military men marry right out of the gate because they were told it would be their only chance, that they may die in combat. So, they marry young, have kids young. They really do love their wives, but they didn't get to explore their options as freely as non-military men. "I love her....but is she REALLY the one? I don't have enough time to really decide, and....I can make it work..." They get in the military and start this double life, trying to honeymoon with the wife, and trying to stay alive in the military. As the military turns the man into a machine (which is needed for his own survival), when he is back home, he is disoriented, trying to figure out how to temporarily "shut off" the machine and figure out who he is as a man. He knows you're helping him by giving him the freedom to explore these things, and he needs that, but at the same time, it hurts him, too, because he doesn't want to be the husband who needs "time outs" while his wife provides for him. He's used to being in control, tough, and there he is, a lump on the couch, weak, confused, disoriented, listening to his wife hush the kids while he tries to quiet his mind. It's too much for some guys, and I've seen them divorce and start over, simply because they couldn't bear the pain of hurting their family any longer. And, even the "other women" of affairs--they usually know they are the other women. Yet, they think they are doing their own patriotic service, by releasing a man of tension, of being there to support him. The mistress usually not only knows about the wife, but even has sympathy for her--still, she's attracted to the guy, and attracted to her opportunity to help him and start a life with him. I hope I'm not freaking you out, or scaring you, I'm just hoping to give you a big picture of the mess that happens.

I don't have anything to say that can help with the marriage, only, that, maybe what I've said can open your mind for your own ideas (I really have none).

But, for you, the military wife, I hope I can offer something to encourage your spirit.

Instead of trying to fit your marriage into what other, non-military marriages are like (and what your heart YEARNS for in your marriage!!!), and feeling so let down by how disappointing it is that your marriage isn't there YET (it will be when he's done serving!), maybe try to cultivate a little of this thought:

I am married to Jesus. He is sitting at my bedside waiting for me to rise in the morning. He watches over my children when I cannot. He speaks love and tenderness into my heart. I can cry on His shoulder any time of the day. He loves me. He thinks I'm beautiful. He knows me more intimately than anyone else. He accepts me for who I am, and yet He also helps me grow.

My ministry is to be married in the physical realm to my man. The things I wish were different but know cannot be, these are merely the ministry tools God has layed before me, to witness to my children, my man, and other women. They are my cross, and I am blessed to be able to identify what my cross is. Now that I know what it is, I can rejoice that there are no more painful surprises (well, not as much). When my feelings get hurt about my marriage, it is then, right then, that God is watching over my ministry. He is asking me to speak into the hearts of others through these moments, as He speaks into mine.

My man serves a purpose in this family. His purpose is actually being fulfilled in our unique situation. God already knew that he'd be gone a lot, and chose children whose spirits need to grow through that lesson. I don't need to be a Martha and fill in what doesn't need to be filled in. God ordained this to be a part of their growth, so that they can learn up and from it. He also knew my heart, and knew that I'd want to help them, so now I will help more directly. He knew that I'd be an emotional mess, and that my cluttered home and chaotic life would reveal the mess in my heart. This is my lesson. He wants me to mend that. I will clean, not because my man is finally coming home or because there's company, but because it will help me grow as a Christian. Because my Jesus sees it, and He knows the clutter is a physical reminder of my hurting heart, and He doesn't want my heart to hurt. I will have victory, not because my man helps with a couple of things, but because Jesus helps with everything. I will teach my children of the very real, tangible, presence of Jesus in our home. The Jesus who I am really married to. The Jesus who helps me heal my marriage, not because my marriage is the paradise I'd like it to be, but because it's not. Because my hurting marriage reminds me that I have a ministry in it, and because my real paradise isn't conditional, it's not wavering, distant, frustrating, or lonely; it's eternal, and I will be welcomed into it after a job well done.

I'm His Witness

I'm a busy mama and wife, so I'm not exactly sure when this whole debate really escalated, but I'm just now aware of it.

The debate that includes Christian mothers, values, and judging.  It seems to be going a little like this:


[Christian mom #1]
I am a Christian.  I believe in particular values spelled out in scripture.  I have a few ideas of how to apply them to today's culture.
(these values primarily include discernment, teaching, and growth)

[Christian mom #2]
I am also a Christian.  I don't believe in highlighting those values, but instead want to highlight different values spelled out in scripture, and I too, have a few ideas of how to apply them to today's culture.
(these values include patience and acceptance)

[Christian mom #1]
My ideas are of a sound doctrine and are intended to challenge and mature us.  Yours are weak and only intended to make Christianity more palatable to those not interested in really growing.

[Christian mom #2]
Stop judging me.  Only God can judge me.




I think that's about how it's been going. 
So, which one of the Christian moms are you???

And, now, this is where I come in...where this blog post comes in...

Because I know (and probably I'm the only one that knows) the actual arguments I speak of, I'd like to say, in these situations, I actually agree a little with both parties.

However, I lean much more toward being representative of "Christian mom #1", and I will tell you why.

First, let's look at clearing up a few misunderstandings of words:

"Judge":
Christian mom #2 defines judging according to Romans 14:10-12

"Why do you pass judgement on your brother?  Or you, why do you despise your brother?  For we will all stand before the judgement seat of God, for it is written,
As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me,
and every tongue shall confess to God
So then each of us will give an account of himself to God."

The dictionary definition to support this view is the definition of the traditional role of judge, someone whose job it is to make a decision in a court of law.  This can be found in any (and every) dictionary.  So far, Christian mom #2 has a very strong, very solid case.  Within that definition, God truly is the only judge.

Christian mom #1 defines judging according to a totally different context.

Let's look at a couple dictionary definitions of the word:

Judge means to first carefully consider something, and then follow it with a decision, a declaration.

Judge is seen as having enough knowledge to give an opinion on something.  To give a clearer understanding, let's look at the antonym of the word:

"be no judge of something: to not have enough knowledge to give an opinion about something.  To be out of touch (with something), not know the first thing/not have the first idea about something, have no concept of something, lose touch (with something), not have a clue, be no judge (of something), not be any the wiser, pass by, pass, be unconscious of something......."
These are an extension of this link which is brought to a new link here.

So, in essence, to "judge" is really to observe and to offer help, accountability, and the support to help the person grow.  What does the Bible say about that?

We are to love our neighbor as ourselves (this is mentioned 8 separate times in scripture).  Good deeds are a witness.  We should pray for one another.  We should edify our neighbor (Romans 15:2).  We should be in the world but not of it.  We should be equally yolked in our more intimate and important relationships.  We should grow enough to remove our own plank, and then help remove our neighbor's speck (the real meaning behind Matthew 7:5 is that we should be open to judge help each other and have accountability), we have been called to be salt (not sugar),  and, ultimately, Jesus will reward us for it (Eph 6:8, Matthew 25:37,40).  Yep, we get rewards in heaven, and in large part, they are for judging helping other people, and cultivating healthy relationships based on our judgements observations. 

In case you didn't know that there are rewards separate from our salvation, here's a little list:

1. The incorruptible crown: 1 Cor. 9:24,25. This is also called the imperishable crown. This crown is given to believers who faithfully run the race, who crucify every selfish desire in the flesh and point men to Jesus. God calls some people to do things that will require some sacrifice in the way they will live and conduct their lives. Some people may be called to be a missionary in a far off and poor country. They will literally be working for almost nothing in earthly terms. They will have to sacrifice the money, possessions and life style they could have had, if they stayed home in their own country. This verse also implies that these people will also receive this crown for the sacrifices they were willing to make for God in order to successfully complete the call and mission God had called them to do.

Basically run whatever race that God has set out for you and be the best you can be for God. Be willing to make whatever sacrifices there may be to successfully complete the mission that God has set out for you.

---

2. The crown of rejoicing: 1 Thess. 2:19, 20. & Dan 12:3 To those who faithfully are witnesses to the saving grace of God and leads souls to Jesus. This crown has also been named the soul winner's crown. It seems to indicate here that God will be giving a crown to those who have been witnessing to others and leading people to Christ.

Telling others about the grace of God, telling others about Jesus, is the greatest thing that you can do for someone while here on this earth. When you help someone to be led to the Lord, you have just been used as a vessel of God.

God will judge you by your willingness and desire to be used by Him to witness to others, not necessarily on how many actually get saved, because we are to water and He gives the increase. There are many Christians who are simply too busy to be willing to be used by God to try to lead others to the Lord. God can fit opportunities for you in your life to witness and work for Him if you allow Him to. Some could be your unsaved friends, family members or co-workers, etc.

---

3. The crown of life: James 1:12. For those believers who endure trials, tribulations, and severe suffering, even unto death Rev. 2:8-11. This crown is also referred to as the martyr's crown.

Jesus says that He will give this crown to those who undergo severe hardship, testing, tribulation and/or physical death on His behalf. Probably being willing to die for your faith in God would be the ultimate sacrifice. It is the greatest act of courage and love that you can show God. Christians who have been martyred for their faith throughout history will not only be given this crown of life, but other rewards once they enter into heaven.

God the Father will honour each ones trials and tribulations and thus will be rewarding them accordingly. Also consider this verse from Rev. 2:10.

"Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Indeed, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life."

---

4. The crown of righteousness: 2 Tim. 4:8. To those who love the appearing of Christ, who anxiously wait and look forward to the day when He will return for His saints. This crown is given to those who have lived a good and righteous life for God while living down here on earth.

First, if you are a believer you have been made righteous before God the Father as a result of Jesus dying on the cross for all of our sins. This means that the righteousness of Jesus has now been imputed to you.

Second is that it refers to us living a good and righteous life for God the Father with what time we have left down here. There are Christians who are righteous before God the Father as a result of being saved, called Justification, through the blood of Jesus Christ; but they are not living righteous lives in their actions, words and behaviours, called Sanctification. There are some people may be saved in God’s eyes, but who continue to do are still do evil works that the unsaved would do. We all have our flaws, weaknesses, and certain temptations that we may struggle with. It is not perfection but direction that God is looking for. The Bible says that, we all have sinned and have fallen way short of the glory of our God. We all know right from wrong! God just wants each one of us to choose to do the right thing when faced with certain temptations or choices to do something bad. When it is all said and done, these Christians will probably be receiving some of the greatest rewards that God can hand out once they enter into heaven. To live a righteous life for God will really be worth your while as you will definitely be given this crown by God Himself once you enter into heaven.

---

5. The crown of glory: 1 Pet. 5:1~4. This is the pastor’s crown and will be given to the ministers who faithfully feed the flock of God. . This probably could also include preachers, teachers, Sunday School teachers, missionaries and all those who teach the Word of God in their respective ministries. This crown may signify the importance and sacrifices of bringing up others into the ways of God. God wants those who are saved to grow and learn as much as they can about Him, His Son and His Holy Spirit and to do that he uses mature believers who are willing to each others.

God can use you to teach and shepherd others. God shows you the extreme importance that He is placing on those who teach and preach the word. Being willing to teach and educate others after they are saved is one of the greatest things you can do for them this side of heaven.

Rev. 4:10,11 the twenty–four elders fall down before Him who sits on the throne and worship Him who lives forever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying: You are worthy, O Lord, To receive glory and honour and power; For You created all things, And by Your will they exist and were created."

As you can see each crown is given to those who do a good work on His behalf and it appears that we will want to place whatever crowns we may have at the feet of Jesus when we come face to face with Him.
This information derived from here.

The Bible speaks clearly about teaching, correcting, helping, and mentoring our fellow believers. 
Please click on those links to be taken to numerous passages on the subjects.
Here's Matthew 18:15-17:

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.  If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.  But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church.  And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

The message here is simple:
compassion should be a vehicle for truth--not a reason to avoid it. 

Salvation occurs the moment you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior.  It is all that is needed to be a Christian, and to be accepted into heaven.  Salvation includes believing upon Jesus (John 3:18), and repenting for sin (Luke 5:32), and we will be born again (John 3:3).  Once that occurs, you have become an infant Christian.  We are not to remain in the infant state, but continue to grow and develop ourselves to become more like Christ, so that others can see Him more and more easily through us, because, you see:

There are also fake Christians (2 Corinthians 11:26, Matthew 13:38, John 8:44).

There is a fake gospel (Galatians 1:8).

There are fake ministers of that gospel (2 Corinthians 11:14-15).

There is a fake church (Revelation 2:9).

There are fake doctines within that fake church (1 Timothy 4:1).

There is fake righteousness (Romans 10:3).

There is a fake Christ (2 Thessalonians 2:8-10, Revelation 13:8).


Someday, I will be called to the stand.  I will have to give an account for my own life, which will include opportunities I've been given to offer support and counsel to others.  I am, in fact, my brothers keeper (Genesis 4:9), and I have a Christian responsibility as your sister.

 

I am not the Judge.

I am His witness.

I will tell the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth, as God helps me to (and I will do it nicely).

"But they will have to give account to Him..."
1 Peter 4:5



Cleaning the Fan

You've heard the vulgar expression about the damage caused upon the innocent, unassuming fan that happened to be present during an argument, and the "filth" that bears witness to it.  You know the one: that one about the mess hitting the fan.

As a Christian online writer, I struggle with not wanting to be so rich in "this is how to do it right" that I come across as only presenting a seemingly phoney-baloney approach to Christianity or to the real world.  I don't want to seem so patient, right, or holy that I'm unapproachable and my message is unrelatable.  This blog, within that line of thought, was created with the intention of sharing a collection of introspection, joy, wonder and thanksgiving that God continually cultivates in my spirit.

However, with all of that said, I am human.  I get angry, frustrated, sad, selfish, jealous, hurt and depressed.  I am, sometimes, an emotional mess.

One of my faults (embarassingly) is that, sometimes, I don't hear what my man is telling me, or I don't understand his approach to leading me and our family (which, admittedly, is amazing, and always for our good and benefit, even when I sometimes don't understand how it will work for that end).  I challenge him instead of helping him.  Instead of providing counsel, discussion and reflection, I offer sarcasm, indignity, and disrespect.  Thankfully, I don't do this often, but I am convicted when I do, and afterward, am continually propelled forward to reconcile and gain better insight into preventing it from happening again.

In short, sometimes, as much as I absolutely and deeply adore my husband, I get our fan dirty.

And now, I want to share with you how I clean it.

1. I remember that lovely gentleness that God placed in my spirit.  I beckon it.  I ask God to refresh it and bring it back into my reach.

That may sound like rubbish to you, but I've experienced the reality of it, and that is often enough to alter my path and lead me back to where I want to be (in alignment with my man and with God).

2.If that isn't enough, I have a special "fan cleaning kit".
Wanna peek inside?

Holy Bible

1. The Bible has lots to say about marriage, husbands and wives.  Just search "husband, husbands, marriage, wife, or love.



2. The Bible teaches me about the Holy Spirit, Who will speak into my spirit and will guide me into the full truth (John 16:13-15).

Click to Buy

3. One of my favorite books is "The Love Dare".  It goes along with the movie "Fireproof".  It challenges you, for 40 days, to stretch outside of your comfort, and think outside of your current feelings, and offer love to your spouse.

Click to Buy

4. I just love books (and blogs, radio stations, speakers) like this, from authors who can just be frank and tell me like it is. 

4. Asking for help.  Don't stay alone with the problem, because it is when we are alone that we become tempted (Genesis 3:4, Ecclesiastes 4:12).  Asking for help includes prayer, telling your husband that you are searching for a change in your spirit...it includes calling a trusted, responsible friend, mentor, or a leader in your church.  It is petitioning for someone else to help you lift it.  I think, at some time in our marriage, we all need to seek outside help. 

All of our fans get dirty.  

Maybe this very blog post is an answer to a call on your heart? 

So there you go.  You have a great start to cleaning your fan.  I hope it blesses you and your marriage!

In My Redneck of the Woods

We're a little bit nerdy...

...sometimes we bathe in a bucket...

...together...

...and we like it...

We wear camo...

...and we share...

We all work hard...

We are all real cowboys...

...and we like it that way...

...and we're off to gitty up and go!

The Heart of a Soldier

Because today is National Day of Prayer, I'd like to share my prayer:

There was a man who served in the Vietnam War.  Later, he died, with a proper, military funeral.

In between those events, that man was my father.

He was abusive, violent, and dangerous.  He hated everybody.  H made me believe he hated me.  While I wanted his love, I wasn't so sure that I didn't hate him, too.

During my childhood, I was convinced that his hateful behavior destroyed my life.  I look back now, and realize that it very well could have, had it not been for God.

While Vietnam had a lot of unique qualities, and there was more involved with his mental health than his military background, I know that it definately played a part in the rest of his life.


The government works diligently to shape so many of our fellow countrymen-and women's minds into combat machines.  We know this, but the reality of it is very hard to grasp.  After all, they need to change their minds, for their own protection.  It is what saves their lives.  And, they know it's what they're in for, before they even enlist.  It's just, frankly, part of the job.

Lord, I am asking that while each of these brave men and women volunteer to have their minds altered, to better serve and protect our country, please, Lord, wrap Yourself around each of their hearts, that when their service is finished...even while they are serving...they can be reminded that you continually serve and protect them, that they are intrinsically valuable, that they not only serve in combat against national enemies, but that you continually serve in combat for them, against the evil force that longs to gain victory over their hearts.

Please continue to open even more ministries and counseling services that these soldiers can utilize without shame, where they can heal from their military experiences.  Please open our eyes to know that they are hurting.  Please allow us to learn how to serve them.

Please teach us to pray over our soldiers, that they can know that while their "head is in the game", their heart will remember the path back to humanity, and carry them there when it is time.

Allow us to find ways to pay tribute to those willing to endure so much so that we can endure so little.  Compassion and empathy are a small price to pay for the many services our military provide for us.

And, it can change the way a man perceives himself, his life, and his daughter.  It could change his eternal destiny.

Allow each of our military men and women to hold tight to this scriptural truth, that they will never get confused when they are using violence as a tool to bring peace:

He does not bear the sword in vain, for he is the servant of God.  -Romans 13:4