While I've been keeping off of the computer, and using my time in praying for our country's needs regarding abortion (see my doula blog), babies, and just pro-life issues, my family has discovered that we've been blessed with another baby!
Just to clear up any questions, yes, this has been the third year in a row we've celebrated Valentine's day by receiving the gift of a new child, and, as old legend has it, Cupid, a cherub of love, shoots with an arrow, purposing the target to fall in love. Well, as my quiver fills (Psalm127:3-5), those arrows make me fall in love even more...with God. :)
We've known for several weeks now, and it's been tormenting me waiting. So, I give in. I have to share this most blessed news!!
Little baby #4 has a strong beating heart and is due for some snuggling sometime around November 14.
I am a mostly stay at home mama, which I love, but I also need to keep my non-mama language in shape. You know, mama language:
"Clean your room."
"Stop that."
"Nap time."
"Do you have to go poo-poos?"
I need to be able to hold adult conversations, and I like keeping up with what other people are doing.
I also use Facebook as a tool to learn more about my other passion in life: doula work.
I have "friends" that "lotus birth" "orgasmic birth" and "hypno birth." I have "friends" that flat hate natural birth, and some "friends" that hate Christians. And, then, I have my real friends.
All mixed together.
Why don't I separate the two? "Friends" from, friends?
Because I want to show a little Christian light into some darkness.
And, because, it's sort of funny to see one of my friends send a shocked message to me about some things I learn. :)
And, because, regarding some things, I find myself somewhere in the middle.
So, on my Facebook, we are all just lined up together. And, I have no doubt the Light is shining through.
[Editor's Note: it is so crazy to think I was inspired to publish this post just a few weeks before my own miscarriage experience. I think the Lord was planting a seed for me, letting me see through my journey just how very much He loves me. I wonder how often this happens to others, and how often it is overlooked?]
Jesus' death didn't instill any faith in anybody. In fact, it did quite the opposite: it shook faith!
Yet, these two men stayed the dark, sad path. When Jesus appeared, they did not veer to the left or to the right. They stood, and then they all walked together. Jesus spoke softly to them along the way, explaining and revealing in subtle ways who He is. They were so broken hearted they didn't recognize the voice, the presence, the Lord. Still, He kept along beside them, gently loving them, even when He corrected them:
"Don't you see that these things had to happen, that the Messiah had to suffer and only then enter into his glory?"
I am reminded of this as I think on the deep grief a young mother must feel at the loss of her child through miscarriage or stillbirth. It isn't the death of the Messiah, for sure, but a cherished, loved and irreplaceable person, just the same. What else, truly, is there to say, other than, "I had hoped".
"Had Hoped"
Stay the path. Jesus will meet you there. He will stay alongside you, through to the very end of your journey. He will reveal Himself to you. Stay the path, Sister. He's coming.
I love pregnant bellies. I love being pregnant. That large, tight canvas of skin perfectly encasing God's newest creation. Just like a Christian can't hide the work of God in their life, neither can a pregnant mama...marvelously, regardless of her faith.
I accepted the Lord in my first pregnancy, so that may have something to do with it.
To all of my friends, I apologize. I am definately the one that runs up to your tummy, places my hands all over it (totally uninvited) and stoops down to tell your precious little blessing that I am so thrilled to know that God is creating him.
Getting into a theological discussion online with a group of women clearly not interested in my point (which was to say that just because I know there is pain in childbirth from Genesis 3:16, that doesn't make my pain any more than a non-Christian) someone cuts right in the middle of the discussion and says,
"Don't feed the trolls."
Is she talking about me?? What in the world does that even mean? I'm trolling (making jarring remarks for the purpose of getting website publicity, similar to spam), because I made a comment about the reality of the Bible? Then, when I talked about how I value marriage, and yes, I am submissive to my husband, I was called Amish. Amish? Really?
So, here I am. An Amish troll. Who'd have thought.
My husband uses this expression to mean that something is "done", that it can't be changed.
At first glance, toast seems pretty rigid, pretty firm. It's not. Take a bite, and chances are, you can feel the moisture from the cooked bread, or discover that the inside is still soft and maybe even still uncooked. Toast is firm compared to soft, fresh bread, but, it's mush compared to granola.
I am toast.
I want to be more like granola.
I have "crunchy" friends:
Some are passionate about food. They marvel at the textures, flavors and aromas of different foods. My sweet friend Allysha asked me last year what food I'd like to be blessed with, after just having Silas. Thinking of my "Little Man", I said, "How about some pizza?" So, what does she do? She makes two lovely, delicious pizzas. From scratch. Totally blessed my socks off! Me? I just get flat bored with food. I only eat because my stomach tells me to. I am thankful to have married a man who likes plain cheese pizza, chicken nuggets, and ketchup. Oh, and steak. We love some steak. Overall, I'm actually a little "wild" in regard to foods, compared to my man.
Some are passionate about chemicals. They use vinegar to clean. I use Lysol.
Some are passionate about vitamins and herbs. The only herbs in our house can be found in our mixed blend of seasoning (which I put on everything).
Some are passionate about homebirth. They stay in their serene, lovely home and catch their own emerging baby, to be cradled without interruption. I am desperately envious of these women. I cannot bring myself to homebirth (but I do make my hospital room very comfortable!).
Compared to many of my friends, I'm a mushy wimp, with zero "crunchy" potential. But, I love my friends. I learn from them, and I treasure their passions, even though the most green thing happening over here is a little bit of envy. :)
Some moms like to slap on lipstick to go check the mail. Myself, I think it's a waste. I'm not talking trash about these women, though. I'm actually sort of envious of the women who can manage to perform their daily tasks and do it in a way that their husbands still have reason to be attracted to them at the end of the day. My man, poor guy, he's just stuck with what works best for the routine.
I want to feel pretty more often. I need to take more time to paint my nails, mist on some hairspray, and rub on some blush. I want my man to know that I care about how he sees me (and how others see me). So, I will try to start working on this better.
In the meantime, I don't ever think I'll get coordinated enough to wear my baby, and heels, at the same time. This video is hilarious! :)
In Genesis 17, God changes Abram's name to Abraham. He changes Sarai's name to Sarah.
These were to be the new names they would be referred to as. I wonder how presumptuous Abram must have felt, telling all of his relatives, "You will now call me Abraham (Father of Many Nations)". I wonder if he got laughed at. People all around him knew him by one name, but yet, he was to be called another.
I think that when we have special relationships with people, like Abraham did with God, we call them names that others around them ordinarily wouldn't. Pet names, or nick names. It is a sign of affection and love, and I happen to think it's important in our household.
On that note, I'd like to introduce you to my family, and share with you the terms we use to refer to each other. :)
"My Love" is the handsome man on the left. Really. He is "My Love". Isn't he handsome???
I'm "Babe". More than a title, but a treasured name of affection, I'm also "Mom" and "Mommy".
The handsome young man on the bottom left is Dylan. We call him "Little Man".
The cute little guy on my legs is Virgil. He is named after his great grandfather, who would call little ones "Punkin". He is therefore our little "Punkin Pie".
The precious bundle I'm blessed to hold is Silas. Right now, we call him "Sweet Potato".
The best way to introduce myself to you, I think, is to tell you how Jesus introduced Himself to me.
In the Old Testament, the Israelites were instructed to go out and gather the manna they would need for each day. As I imagine them collecting the small flakes of this bread-like substance and filling their jars or containers with it, pictures of Easter seem to slip into my mind.
The celebration of Easter at our church is celebrated in part by a huge (I mean huge) Easter egg "hunt." More of a "gathering," thousands (I mean thousands) of eggs are tossed along our property grass and while the children certainly don't have to go looking for them, they do have to go out and gather them.
Excitedly, the children attempt to dash through the grass to collect as many eggs as possible ("I'm gonna get a million!" my son cried last year), but their efforts are constantly thwarted by the brightly colored eggs that lay just in front of them. The constant race-stop-race-stop is hilarious to watch as the children scurry to fill up their baskets.
If they choose to run off ahead, they pass up dozens of eggs, and even in the process often seem unsure if their gathering "tactic" is a wise one. There is always a perfectly lovely gift lying just at their feet, beckoning them to bend to pick it up.
My personal testimony is really more of a life account. Even before I accepted Christ, He never forsake me, even when I grumbled. He protected me when my life was dark and terrifying, He healed me when I was broken, He made my bitter waters sweet, and through the hopelessness of misdirection, He made sure my sandals never wore out. He gave of Himself every single day of my life, and He gave exactly as much as I needed. Just like the manna.
~~~
I was born in Las Vegas, Nevada. My dad was involved with a notorious and exclusive motorcycle organization. He was involved in illegal activities, and illegal drugs. So was my mom. My parents named me "Harley Dee" and a short time later, after a very messy separation (to include the beheading of our family dog), I was placed in emergency state custody.
An Early Foster Home
I was reunited with my dad when I was 5, who had since then left the state. I lived with him for about a year, before the police removed me from his home, after I had been physically abused, threatened at gunpoint, emotionally battered, sexually molested, and raped. Primarily because his "rights" were never terminated and so I wasn't "adoptable," I spent the remainder of my childhood and adolescence in foster homes, institutions, and orphanages.
I found my mom on the internet when I was in college, and partly because I wanted to prove to somebody that I was unscathed from my childhood, but mostly because I really wanted a mom, I flew out to meet her. She was still in Las Vegas, and she still hadn't changed.
I immediately discovered that I was pregnant! Having no idea how to be a mom, I bought the best manual there is; I bought a Bible. Slowly, and privately, I began to have a very special conversation with God through Scripture:
In the book of Acts, chapter 17, Paul visits Athens. Athens is spiritually scattered at the time, worshipping stuff all over the place. At this point in my life, I was spiritually scattered. Having been relocated and transitioned so often, living with so many different people, I was exposed to many different kinds of religions and beliefs. I didn't believe in multiple gods--I did believe in one. But, I didn't believe in the trinity, and I didn't know how I felt about such things as evolution or reincarnation. So many times I'd prayed for God just to carry me through--but I had no idea who He was or what He wanted with me. By the end of this seventeenth chapter, Paul introduces the Unknown God, my God, to the people...and the people were changed. I was changed.
Just then, God cut to the chase and told me in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that I am a new creation in Christ, and that my old life had gone away. Well, that's when I threw myself a bit of a tantrum. "What do you mean, God, my old life is gone? What about everything I went through? What about everything I survived? What vindicationis there for that little girl who had to do things just to stay alive?"
He had me take a step back and brought me to 2 Corinthians 4:17, and gingerly He said, "Sweet child, but that was just a moment, and if you give all of that to Me, I will be glorified through it."
(Well, I had no idea how that was going to happen, but I was intrigued!)
He gave me my answer in John 16:33. We will have pain. We will have suffering. Christ isn't always going to shield us from it, but through Him we can get through it, because He has already overcome it.
I was in! Jesus is my vindication. "Now what?" I asked my Father God.
James 4:8 told me, "Take a step, and God will take a step." I needed to move into my relationship with God. I needed to take a step, and see that He was also moving even closer toward me.
"In which direction do I go?" my earth bound mind wondered. Take a step, but where? What do I DO?
In Genesis 12:1, Abram's father had just died. Now, I don't know what kind of a dad he was, but I know that he told his family he would take them from point A to point B, and he only got them as far as point A-and-a-half; so at least in that way, he just didn't quite measure up. Well, I read that as though my "dad" had died. My physical, earthly role models and protectors, the ones that I needed the very most and who left the deepest impact because they failed so miserably, had "died." Their power over me could be put down. I could put to rest the burdens of the past, and the memories of the people and events that didn't quite measure up...including the negative ways I was trained to view myself. God was going to lead me now.
I just want to say, right here, that accepting Christ doesn't mean immediately drastic, wonderful change. As you step into obedience, the wonderful change is often revealed in the process.
I received all of these spectacular promises from God during a time that was not very spiritually nourishing. I wasn't married, and my boyfriend was pressuring me to abort my baby. A short time later, my son and I moved into a battered women's shelter. With nothing but this new child and this new faith to cling to, I overcame that obstacle and used it as a bridge to carry me to one of the first lovely places in my life.
An exciting step toward this new creation I became in Christ was shedding the old title I had been burdened with and legally changing my name to Adalheid, which is the German form of Heidi, or princess. I am a princess of the King of kings. I am His daughter, and I know that when He made me, He smiled and said, "Now, this is good." and I have peace, knowing His plans for me are always for good.
Today, I am happily married to a wonderful man who first fell in love with my son. We are a growing, Christ centered family, looking always toward Him as He lovingly and faithfully provides for us- sometimes in spectacular abundance, but always, at least, with our daily manna. The Lord our God is faithful and always keeps His promises!
I have such a longing to reach out and give a bit back on behalf of the lovingkindness my Father has bestowed upon me, and so,
I pray this testimony will be a bit of needed manna for you today.
~~~
If you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, I encourage you to do that right now. Here are the three steps, and afterward, tell somebody! Tell everybody! Tell me! I would LOVE to pray with you about making this amazing decision.
A. Admit you are a sinner. "There is no one righteous, not even one ... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:10,23. (See Romans 5:8; 6:23.)
Ask God's forgiveness. "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:13
B. Believe in Jesus Put your trust in Him as your only hope of salvation. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 (See John 14:6.)
Become a child of God by receiving Christ."To all who receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." John 1:12 (See Revelation 3:20.)
C. Confess that Jesus is your Lord. "If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9 (See verse 10.)
Ahhh......this is so luxurious.......to type whatever "status" I want, and not have it fit into "420 characters or less"....
First, I must offer a confession. I am totally copying off of my new friends Jayna and Shannon. I recommended my friend Lauren start a blog awhile ago, after I discovered that it was a cool way to share my thoughts about doula stuff.
But it wasn't until I was moved to tears by one of Jayna's posts, that I discovered a longing that this blog may fill.
I like having friends. I am in a season where making dates to socialize is pretty tricky, but I really want my friends to have a chance to know me (and my family) better. Maybe, be getting back into "writing", I'll get to know myself better, too.
The name of this blog is a double entendre. The Lord provides every day, in His sweet and gentle way. This is Manna. However, the flaky "crumbs" of manna actually rhyme with my family name. All of my sweet, spirit filled manna, running around my house every day sustain me with joy and thanksgiving.
